when you are caught in the middle

what do you do, when you don't want things to change?
but then you know you have to accept the change..
recently these major events in my life have happened..
i have just graduated from a 5 year course..
i have passed the CPA board exams..
i have a job waiting for me already..
but i don't want to leave cebu..
the thought of leaving the people i know behind..
pains me so.

maybe i'm just scared of the unknown.
well who isn't? but this is another transition in my life
just like when i was to chose what degree i was going to take in college..
accountancy or nursing..the answer was so obvious. i don't like to be a nurse..
i had wanted a course in engineering, architecture or any IT course..but USCTC is so far..
from civilization..that's a hyperbole..;p

useless

i went out.
it did not turn out as well as i hoped it would
i wasted my time, money and effort
all for nothing.
now i know.
what the important things really are
i did not have fun!
that was what i expected.
practically useless

new beginning

well tomorrow is the start of classes again for this year,
its my last semester..
i should be enjoying it but i'm not
who could be enjoying something?
if you are consistently worried of passing exams and studying everything that's part of the coverage..
go figure

i have already read half of "Pointers in Business Law" hahaha
well there's a half to go..like 300 pages
another one is the tax reviewer.
i still haven't had a copy of the Internal Revenue Code..
i don't like reading about tax laws
it was not really taught that well in class
i still haven't studied for my auditing theory class tomorrow
i hope i won't get called.
if i do then it's just not my lucky day.
Good luck to me.

Money blues again.
i hate it
it sucks.
big time

come to think of it i hate how the world values money
even the course I'm majoring in deals with conserving money
good luck

i just do not know anymore.
i need to get a job
well there's no easy way to things

oh sure i can get married
and leave all the financial problems to my husband..haha
i guess I'm just not that kind of girl
who leaves all the hard work to the men :P

every weed can be a flower..
it is never too late for anything..

something i just heard that helped me through the day

my life is full of complications.
i can't help it
i want to breakdown
but i know i just can't
i need to do something
go somewhere
just to relax and think of everything
i need to decide on what i really want

the day before my last semester in school

well i'm almost leaving and closing this chapter of my life
as a student.. what will become of me after i graduate?
will i get married?
will i pass the board exams?
will i get pregnant? lol
will i land a job?
will i be happy?
i hope i'll be happy and content
i hope i'll make the right decisions
i hope i'll atleast make the decisions worthy to be chosen..
i hope i'll finally decide what i want, what i need, what i deserve
but how am i to know what's the right decision from the wrong one?
but how am i to find out if what i chose is for the better?
i have had enough of choosing what's right
sometimes i just want to break free
i want to choose the things that feel right
but sometimes feeling right doesn't equate to the right things
its not really sometimes but oftentimes or always
here i go again playing with words that sound the same
maybe i get something out of bringing out all the synonyms of one word
or maybe its just my style of writing
or i just love synonyms?
hahaha...i am going crazy
it's just that i am fearing the unknown..
the inevitable
i need to get out of my comfort zone
faith will push me out of this
one of these days
i know..whether i like it or not
whether i'm ready to move on or not
life will step in and make a choice for me
and so once again i become a mere spectator of my life
letting things happen to me for i did not act on them
when i still could make a choice
what a major bummer
why do i write in phrases?
that i don't know
but i like to do so
maybe because i don't want to divulge everything here
i am still leaving some things for myself
what for?
to protect myself from being hurt again
i got to close again for comfort
that kiss i remember
that touch
his face
and so i am at it again
he does not treat me right
but still i persist
i am so stubborn
and so this will be my downfall
he is my ultimate downfall