unintended eavesdropping on conversations

another thing that i hate doing
or i am forced to do
unintentionally eavesdropping on other people's conversations
is that my fault?
or is it the other persons fault?
i really don't like the position where i am in right now
i cannot do anything about it i guess
i have no where else to go that's for sure
one thing i'm not in Cebu anymore
this place is so foreign to me
i need to set my comfort zone here
where ever that may be
i have yet to find it
where ever it is right now
that i really can't answer any one straight
maybe i'll just play bigfish games haha hope this cures my boredom
btw, no work today since the building where my office is at,
received a bomb threat
every one was in a panic, that they said
but then again, hello
i was not able to get there since i did not get to ride a jeepney
i waited for like 30 minutes, maybe that was a sign that i should not have reached the building at all
someone up there is really looking out for me :)
thanks God! for the FYI in advance..
it saved me a lot of trouble though
i just spent the whole afternoon surfing the net and waiting for utorrent to finish downloading another movie
i haven't burned any of them on a dvd and my hard disk is getting full already
i guess i'm still used to the fact that Berting does all the burning and i do all the downloading and stuff..
division of labor..sorta
well familiarity hits me again and old habits die hard..
you just can't teach an old dog new tricks that easily..
13 more days to go and i'll be sleeping in my own room with a new bed but the same electric fan, that's a relief
i even miss my dvd/cassette player :( bummer huh?
total bummer that i should add..
well this has gone far enough than i intended it to
four posts for today! that's a record breaker isn't it?
not that anyone ever reads my blog anyway haha
well the heck i care if anyone reads it or not
i'm just using this as my online diary/journal for now :)
somewhere where i can air out all my feelings of anger and frustration and the rest..is as they say is history ;P

and i will announce to the whole wide world

that i am sick..
does the whole world really need to know how you are feeling?
or are you just that too starved for attention here?
go on and grab the whole limelight with the matching spotlight
the heck i care
i don't want to get involved in anything that involves you
and don't you just pretend that its ok to step on someone else's bed like that
as if you'd like someone to do that to your on bed!
grrr i am totally mad and furious
stand on your two feet you b*tc*

finale - personal space, security and privacy

this has been the 3 things that i miss having here
i miss the privacy of my own room where no one else can wake me up
i lack sleep always since people are already awake when it is still my sleeping time
i totally lack sleep here
i really don't like it when other people bother me with their own issues
i don't like to be part of other peoples' beeswax
i hate everything here except for the company that i am working for and the salary that i am receiving.
but if that's the only thing that i can look forward to, come to think of it,
it is really not that much
i am thinking of a change in the career path when i transfer to cebu
i want to be in public practice maybe a year or two and then transfer back again to the commerce and industry / private sector again..
there are many roads that will lead me to my destination,
it does not matter which road i will take, in the end
i will get to where i am supposed to be
and now everything sucks big time here
i end up with people i have to put up with every second of the day

kiss my disease ;P

I love this song..can't get enough of this.

The only thing I need kiss my disease
And make it all better
Clean me when I bleed justify me
Make words of my scattered letters

save me.

i am what i am

the best advice that i got was from my great grandmother
and she said "trust no one but yourself"
she added that i am very much like her..
i too have a strong personality and a hard worker
when i have a goal i plan everything that i do to reach it
no matter what it takes, no matter what i give up
if my heart is set on something, i abandon all ships and sail to
whatever or wherever my heart is
people will always misinterpret my intentions, my goals,
my hopes and my dreams
but i don't really need them to understand what i hope, i love and i plan to do
if i keep on fighting and struggling for others to know me then i know that path is futile.
i don't need to prove myself to anyone that is for sure
if i end up being alone, i really don't care
i will not betray or abandon myself just because i will not be accepted
i would rather face anything that comes in between what i want than
have a lot of regrets in my death bed
in life you can only do what you can
i can't waste my time pretending to care for others i don't really care for
i won't interfere with other people's lives anymore
call me tactless all you want but i know i can be the only honest person
when no one else will tell you the truth that sears your insides and tears your heart a part
there will come a time when you want someone to tell you the cold hard truth
and by that time i won't be there to answer you or even talk to you
i really don't care and for that matter, what friendship did you ever mean?
your not the only friend that i've got.
i have a lot of close friends, i would rather eliminate the weaker bonds of friendship that i have
in the end, i know that those weaker bonds were shredded and severed because in this world, "survival of the fittest" really is the key
i may not look like a strong person given my frail built and my femininity but far from that, which you do not know of, i have a heart that is burning with desire and passion to reach my every goal that is if God wills me to reach it
i will not take my life for granted just because people criticize me or even belittle me
it takes a lot to bring my spirits down
i may withdraw from the battle ground at times but when i do come back..it's as if i was never missing from the battle ground at all ;p
sa masuya lang. jealousy is a curse to all those who are insecure of me even though i don't try to be your competition i always end up as someone else's competition.
oh great, as if i wanted to be in your role anyway
i am just working my way in this world and finding my place
where i should end up and spend the rest of my days in :P

this one goes out to the one i love..

(Hikaru Utada) With Or Without You U2 Cover - The most popular videos are here

did you ever get that feeling when you know that no one is going to fill that space in you heart?
that you feel deep down inside who you are going to spend your days with..until your inevitable death?
that feeling is scary and wonderful at the same time
you feel happy because you know there is that someone who will be a constant witness in your journey called life, someone you know who will always be there, come rain or shine..
but then again, that feeling is scary once reality seeps in, the tabloids are filled with the kind of stories you don't ever want to hear which makes you fear commitment
or even flee from it.
i have learned that the things that scare you the most give you the greatest lessons in life and you should not escape from the things that scare but rather face them, head on, so as to really measure yourself and get to the bottom of things on why you are really scared of it..
i am talking vaguely again
i guess i just want to keep things as discreet as possible
i make plans and as much as i want all my plans to materialize, i know that there are certain things that i cannot foresee or those things that i have no control over.
the future is uncertain that CERTAINLY is true but i know for a fact that the present is also what it should be and where you are right now is exactly the place you should be..i don't know why i am in Makati, far away from my room where i feel as if no one can harm me, away from the love of my life(ayeee)
it is not easy standing on your on two feet again when you get used to the fact that someone is taking care of you..
here in Makati, i am the one taking care of myself, me and no one else
i miss having someone taking care of me..
i miss you..
and no matter how hard i try to accept that we are this far away,
i know that i still wont accept the idea of us being this far away for such a long time
i am going to find a way, to come back to Cebu and be as close to you as possible
the feeling of being so far away from the one that you love is so painful
i try so hard to push the feeling of missing you away or even hiding it from other people but at night, when every one is asleep and it's silent, i start thinking of you and the moments that we spent together, i want more moments like that,
we have been together for such a long time already and for me, i will never get tired or bored with you, although you make me mad at times, it's not enough to make me hate you or even break up with you.
i am not giving up on us.
i will never give up on us and that's a promise

sunday bloody sunday

well it wasn't literally bloody..
bloody hell!
blimey mate! lol
i have nothing to say
or do i?
i need to think about that
think about what?
i don't know
i don't know what?
there are a lot of things that i don't know
should i sleep now?
why now and not later?
should i do something else?
and what would that something else be?
this does not make any sense at all
i am not making any sense
who says that i am trying to make sense of it all?
no one..
and who is that no one?
i do not know
i am just playing with you
playing with whom you ask
that i do not know
and for that i bid everyone good night, but it would be better if i say good midnight?
hmmm there's no such thing
or is there such a thing as good midnight?
who would ever say such a greeting?
well i would hehe
my fellow insomniacs i salute you
and to all of you i say good midnight
although i don't know if there is such a greeting
there i go again
there is such a greeting if i greet lol
ah ambot goodluck understanding this
i am not thinking straight
isn't it that obvious? ;p

PLANNING AHEAD.................

got this from a friend. thanks for this..i read the mail just in time :)

I like thinking ahead.
I like being prepared.
I get a high from being on top of things.
But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out
as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.
You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful.
You plan to be acclaimed and successful.
You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world

You plan to be happy. You don't plan to be shattered.
Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want.
But most times, what you want and what you get are two different
things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans especially when
His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us
crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross
that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage
knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot
cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can
learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.

love song - anberlin (the cure cover)

this is another song that brings back certain memories of someone..
oh great even when i'm this far away
i'm still affected by this
just my luck
i even remember every minute of that moment
this sucks, big time
i know i'm not talking clearly
i'd rather keep this moment as vague as possible
but as to that person concerned, hope this gets thru you
as if you'd have the chance to read this
you don't even know that i still talk like this
you don't even care
and so this ends it all
and as easily as i lifted my spirits up on high,
the end is that my landing is as destructive, a complete opposite of how i started to raise myself up, hoping..hoping..
falling..
tumbling..
dying each time..
-end

saturday night

another typical saturday night
while waiting for the movie to finish downloading..listening to mp3s
observing my board mates study for the CPA board exam
reflecting on the things i went thru while i was once like them
it was not that easy, a situation i don't want to be in again
my time was so limited.
juggling between review classes in PASSAR, quasi review classes in school, doing errands, being a faithful girlfriend and a reliable friend.
Now beat that.

I was so excited to finally reach my 5th and final year in college
i was eagerly looking forward to work already, earning money, spending my own money and spending it at my own discretion
Now i am working, not a student anymore but still looking like one
I don't think my workmates even take me seriously
Given that i am a petite young lady, thanks to my genes
I can't help it. I was born like this, i can't alter my DNA you know.
Even the way i was brought up, i had no control over
When your a kid, i guess you're just a kid
Later on you'll realize that those experiences you had when you were young..
Were the greatest building blocks to your personality at present
I had my shares of struggle and everyone else has too.
I too had problems involving friends, family and the general public haha
Life is just like that.
You lose some, you win some.
It is when you give up that you truly fail others but bottom line is, you failed yourself.
Your chances in life are unlimited. But some choices once chosen remain irrevocable and affect you and everyone else until the day you day or even way after that.
I don't know where i'm going, who i'm going to be, who i'll end up with..
All i know is that the past has ended, and i should learn from it.
i too know that the present is clear but not that precise, you see things aren't the way they always seem.
Look beneath the surface and open a book, you'll know for sure that you'll see another story that you did not even expect to spring from that title..i'm talking about a book here.

I guess i'll end this post for now or maybe i'll make another blog latter..hmm
i really don't know. FYI the movie that i'm downloading isn't finished yet.
This is not just a movie watching weekend i guess..
*sigh*

when you are caught in the middle

what do you do, when you don't want things to change?
but then you know you have to accept the change..
recently these major events in my life have happened..
i have just graduated from a 5 year course..
i have passed the CPA board exams..
i have a job waiting for me already..
but i don't want to leave cebu..
the thought of leaving the people i know behind..
pains me so.

maybe i'm just scared of the unknown.
well who isn't? but this is another transition in my life
just like when i was to chose what degree i was going to take in college..
accountancy or nursing..the answer was so obvious. i don't like to be a nurse..
i had wanted a course in engineering, architecture or any IT course..but USCTC is so far..
from civilization..that's a hyperbole..;p

useless

i went out.
it did not turn out as well as i hoped it would
i wasted my time, money and effort
all for nothing.
now i know.
what the important things really are
i did not have fun!
that was what i expected.
practically useless

new beginning

well tomorrow is the start of classes again for this year,
its my last semester..
i should be enjoying it but i'm not
who could be enjoying something?
if you are consistently worried of passing exams and studying everything that's part of the coverage..
go figure